Create Your Destiny

It doesn’t take any effort – although it takes a lot of effort to realize this!

It feels really good.

If you ever wondered what it feels like to stop worrying and just “BE”, the answer is that it’s absolutely wonderful!

I’m speaking of letting go of, well, EVERYTHING, and only taking in what is right in front of you, confident that life is fine just the way it is. Having faith that you are a part of eternity, knowing that birth was not the beginning nor death the end. You simply ARE, and in this moment you are beautiful.

Take this moment, now, to stop and release your worries, because that’s all that’s holding you back. Whether you woke up today rich or poor, or healthy or sick, your opinions towards WHAT IS are nothing more than acknowledgements of prior thoughts and circumstances manifested in the here and now. Let them go. Give now a chance, unburdened, and let the present moment manifest itself to you free of all judgment. Slowly breathe in a few deep breaths to clear your mind.

You may notice amongst the silence that the seconds march by slowly, ticking, as if they actually have somewhere to go. And then you realize that today still showed up no matter how much you worried about it, and tomorrow will likely be the same.

Now, intend your greatest desires and then release them unto the Universe, untethering your attachment to them as a child releases the string of a balloon and launches it skyward in the park on a bright afternoon. Notice how worrying will not alter its path one bit.

OK, now smile, laugh out loud, then take a moment to really notice what’s going on around you. You can now resume going about your business knowing that now is the only thing real, the only thing that matters.

Isn’t it wonderful to know that you can treat yourself to being worry free whenever you desire, allowing it to last for as long as it happens to last, and appreciating life for what it is? Even better is that you can come back to this feeling as often as you like, and YES, it is a wonderful experience!

…comes in the form of love not expressed.

Sure, poking a sharp stick in your eye, skydiving naked onto a fencepost, or being forced to watch multiple reruns of Doogie Howser MD are also bound to hurt quite a bit , but what I’m referring to here is emotional pain. The quote comes form Anthony Robbins in his Ultimate Relationship Series and he is absolutely on the mark.

But how can this be so? Don’t we hurt more when someone wrongs us or calls us bad names? Or maybe when they lie to us, betray us, or tell us that they don’t want us in their lives anymore and simply walk away?

Take a journey with me for a moment and consider another perspective. Consider the idea that we are all creations of absolute love and are all part of the same God force that comprises the Universe. That our spirit nature is one of absolute love. If we *are* love at our highest nature, then it is that nature that we must necessarily express to define to ourselves and to others who we truly are. Flowers express themselves in bloom, hawks soar upon thermals, lions prey on weaker forms of flesh and blood, and humans at their highest levels are born to love as glorious expressions of who they are.

One of the biggest mistakes that we make in life is to stop being true to ourselves. If it is our true nature to love, then damming up our hearts and holding back our true nature is going to cause us pain and make us feel bad. Weather we realize it or not, holding back the expression of who we are hurts us at a deep spiritual level before we even get around to hurting others in the process, even if hurting others happens to be our true intent.

An important concept to recognize about expressing love is that other people’s responses to you are not about you, they are about them. When acting in love, you can only control what you give, not what others receive or what they choose to do with it. If giving love is your true nature, then the expression of that love is the healthiest way for you to live. What other people do with the love that comes from you is all about their “stuff”, their past experiences, and the meanings that they choose to attach to it. Some may be grateful and reciprocate in kind, others may take without giving in return, while still others may only seek to take advantage and serve themselves, which actually leads to another interesting question? Do we allow others to take advantage of us simply because acting in love is our true nature?

Umn…No.  Once you begin living in love and expressing love towards others, one of the first things that you will notice is the overwhelmingly positive response that you generate in people. Love expressed is most often returned in kind and brightens your entire existence. However, there will be people you encounter who are stuck in negative and/or destructive patterns of behavior and who have either yet to realize or have temporally forgotten their true nature. With these people, your love and kindness may be taken for granted, expected, and/or demanded without anything in return. Do you offer them an endless supply of kindness because that is who you are, no matter how much you may be taken advantage of, or do you temporarily forget your true nature and go with the urge to smack them upside the head with a rusty nailed 2×4 just because it’d somehow make you feel good?

Neither.  A big part of life is that we teach people how to treat us by how we show up. If we consistently act in a manner that allows people take advantage of us, the one thing that we can bet on is that some people will. The healthiest approach is to express to everyone the love that is our true nature, thus maintaining our spiritual health and fulfilling our most basic need to ourselves. If we find that it is another person’s nature to mistrust, take advantage, and/or be continually disrespectful, it is best for all involved that we silently wish them well and simply move on, continuing to express our true nature to the rest of this limitless Universe. The only other alternative is to dam up our hearts and begin to sabotage ourselves by suffering what Anthony Robbins calls the greatest emotional pain, that of love not expressed.

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Almost 4 decades of getting it mostly wrong

That’s a lot of road in the rear view mirror, only to have it dawn on me that all the while I just didn’t quite get it with any measure of consistency.

Get what, you ask (or maybe not)?

The meaning of life, or at least the most important part of life. Relationships.

No, I didn’t just crawl out from under a rock, and yes, intellectually I’ve known for a while that it is our relationships with others that truly define who we are (or more accurately, they are how we choose to define ourselves to the world around us). It’s just that for some reason there’s been a huge chasm between intellectualizing the concept and fully embracing it.

For many years I’ve been, dare I say, selfish, when it comes to relationships. Yes, selfish in many types of relationships, not just the romantic ones. You see despite my intellectual knowledge, I’ve often operated primarily from the premise of how a particular relationship might be of benefit to me as opposed to how I could add value and be of benefit to others. I know…Yecch. But before you pick up a few pointy stones and prepare to hurl them with great velocity in my general direction, consider for a moment that this way of thinking is actually it’s own punishment, and the result is often a punishment that more than fits the crime.

Operating from the perspective of considering what others can add to our lives originates from a preconception of lack. The governing thought process is that somehow we don’t have enough, aren’t good enough, or are afraid that somehow we won’t be enough, and the result is that we look to others to fill in the gaps in our lives and make us whole. Never mind that it isn’t anyone else’s responsibility to provide for us or otherwise cover for our shortcomings. Can you imagine if everyone you knew was looking for someone to take care of their needs and desires, or to help them better their lives and make them whole? I don’t know how many people consistently get to be on the other side of that equation but I’m sure it’d be a pretty crappy job to have full time. But the worst part of this thought process is that because thoughts DO become things, believing that we are lacking perpetuates the cycle of lack that keeps us looking outside ourselves for fulfillment, which is by nature utterly pointless.

The alternative of course is to operate from a perspective of giving to others from the source of our own abundance. To what abundance am I referring? From the notion that God is love and we are all indivisible parts of the same Divine Oneness. When we begin to not only think but to actually LIVE life in such manner, we quickly realize that there is no lack and that the most joyous way to express the fullness of who we are is to share the love and blessings that flow through us, regardless of our current lot in life. We always have something to offer and feel best when we do because that is our true nature.

As I watched my 86 year old grandmother who is recovering from a fractured hip dote over her great-grandson earlier this evening, the real meaning of these words became evident to me in a very tangible manner. I had an epiphany. There she was, giving of herself, happily, with no expectation of what we could do for her. Just like mothers and fathers do for their children each and every day. Except for some reason tonight I finally got it – the internalization that this principle is universal in nature and applies equally to all relationships, with the greatest benefit going to the person who is sharing themselves for the benefit of others.

Thanks Grams for that mental Kodak moment. I get it now, and the world is a better place.

I’d like to share with you an inspiring video by Mark Osborne called “More”. I think that it wonderfully demonstrates the effects our inner passions and vision have upon our lives. It’s 6 minutes long, animated, and unspoken. Check it out:

If you’re interested, you can find more of Mark’s work here.

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In a word, no.

On more than one occasion I have been asked that when one is faced with making a new decision in some major life area weather it is wise to rely most heavily upon the faculties of our senses or to seek and await clarification and guidance through meditation, prayer, or the receipt of intuitive hunches. I believe the answer is quite simple; seek out guidance through the means you are comfortable with, and then having done so choose the course of action that seems most appropriate to you regardless of weather or not you feel a strong pull one way or the other. Sitting around and stewing about not having a specific gut feeling or that God is not answering your prayers is a nothing but a copout, and the lack of a major intuitive response is NOT reason to stand pat and do nothing.

Your intuition is there to guide you along your chosen path, not to create that path for you. That’s your job. That is why you are here. Decide what is worthwhile and meaningful to you, determine to pursue it, and then immediately embark upon the journey, listening for and following the intuitive or spiritual guidance that you WILL receive along the way.

Having made your decision, intend that circumstances will align along your path. Perceive the obstacles you encounter as learning and growth opportunities that can help lead you to better a future and greater personal growth, even though they may very well be a huge source of pain and discomfort at the time you encounter them. They are not necessarily there telling you to quit, they are not there because some outside entity put them there, and they are most decidedly not in your life to punish you.

You are here to co-create your own destiny, not to be passive and wait to be led. Hours, days, and months can tick away while you wait to have your destiny decided for you, rather than realizing that you are responsible for creating it yourself. There is no one else in the Universe outside yourself whose job it is to bestow upon you your specific marching orders in life, and that is their really cool part about being alive. We get to choose and create!

If you are struggling with a decision such as this, I encourage you to stand up, decide for yourself once and for all who and what you choose to be, and to follow that vision with blinding, unerring passion. If it involves massive change in your life, of course you will have to consider how your new path will affect the lives of others around you before embarking on an immediate 180, if indeed a complete 180 is what is required. Choose the path that love would choose without subjugating your deepest inner passions, trust and follow your intuition, and watch with amazement as doors begin to open and synchronicities begin to manifest.

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Remember the old saying that happiness is having “someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for”? Not only is this great advice, it also happens to be a great foundation for maintaining a healthy and balanced lifestyle.

Today I’m going to share with you 9 foundational areas that I believe are key to living a life that is emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy. Of course there can be as many “foundational areas” of balanced living as there are authors willing to write about the subject, but this compilation is my own and since this is my blog I have the benefit of being able to share my list with you.

Have a clear purpose

Weather you believe your greater purpose lies in your work, your family, your spiritual path, you relation to the world at large or any combination thereof, it is important for you to believe that you are contributing and making progress towards something that is of great significance to you. Without a clear sense of what you’re aiming for or the ability to press on and produce what you determine to be meaningful results, it is very easy to become frustrated with life and fall into states of disillusionment and discouragement.

Maintain a healthy lifestyle

I’m talking about diet and exercise here, and yes I do believe they are very important. You don’t have to go to any wild extremes, but taking care of the body you live in will go a long way towards helping you feel energized, happy, and alive.

Be willing to let go

of the need to be right.
of the fear of failing.
of the need for approval.
of the need for someone’s affection or attention.

It took me a while to get this concept, but since I began to grasp it life has gotten better and better. External references of validation are nice and can be the icing upon the cake, but true happiness lies in not needing or caring about the way you are perceived. When you get to the point in life that you are willing to be true to yourself and unashamedly express your authenticity, you will probably be surprised at how much less you fail, how you no longer care about being “right”, how you in will fact garner more approval, and how you somehow manage to attract the attention of those who mean the most to you.

Love somebody

It has been said rather simply that love IS. That we are all one and love is the one common element, the God force behind all creation. How true. Love is who we are at our deepest levels, and the ability to express that love freely and openly without condition is the mark of an emotionally healthy individual.

Live in the present

Ok, you’ve heard this one a million times so I’ll spare you the many tired clichés, but in return I want you to promise me that you’ll dedicate yourself to spending one day acting like this is actually true. Put your circumstances aside, forget about your plans, and just BE. Go somewhere nice, with somebody nice if you can , and spend the entire day immersing yourself in what is. Notice how it feels to be at peace with the moment, even if you get a flat tire or your dog bites you while you’re falling down the stairs backwards carrying out the trash.

Consider your connection to a higher Source

It doesn’t matter to me personally weather you subscribe to the recorded teachings of Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi or anyone else. If you do, I’m sure that you realize there are many other people who also subscribe to those same teachings yet maintain differences of doctrine regarding what these individuals taught and exactly how one should live as a result. The important concept here is the commonality. All of the world’s religions seem to recognize that we all share a connection to a higher Source and that our lives have an inherent sense of meaning. Connecting to that Source can make life a fuller, richer, and more rewarding experince.

Remain grateful

As I said in my previous post, we live in an orderly Universe where like attracts like and thoughts become things. Feelings of gratitude tend to produce the conditions for gratitude, while feeling ungrateful increases the likelihood of whatever it is you’re ungrateful about being present both now and in the future. What sort of things can you think of right now to be grateful for? How about blessings in disguise? Have you ever resisted a change of events only to later become grateful for what came to pass?

Be generous

Generosity is one of the least understood and most important aspects of a balanced lifestyle. Everything in the Universe is energy, even our thoughts. Energy flows in an ordered and balanced way via the Law of Attraction, which simply states that like attracts like and that vibrations of energy tend to match up with each other. Stop the flow of generosity and generosity will stop flowing to you. Hording and believing in scarcity are the surest ways to experience lack and ensure that others aren’t normally generous with you. Gandhi says to “be the change that you want to see in the world” and Jesus said that “As ye give, so shall ye receive”.  I’d like to think they knew what they were talking about.

Keep growing

If you’re not growing, you’re dying. Life is about expansion. It’s about coming into the fullness of who we are and continuing to discover and express that fullness openly and without fear. We never “get there” and we’re never done. We either continue the process of recreating ourselves into fuller and fuller representations of who we are, thereby increasing our happiness, our knowledge, and our ability to love and give; or we begin to diminish and withdraw into preconditioned patterns of behavior devoid of any possibility of growth that can lead to the atrophy of body, mind, and spirit.

I hope that reading this list was of some help to you. I do realize that it is somewhat limited in scope and that much more can and has been written on the subject, but by starting with these steps we can begin the process of attaining greater balance in our lives and thus begin to live life more abundantly.

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The stock market is going down and your investments
are going in the tank…

You’re physically sick and your body feels miserable…

Life has its ups and downs. When things are going great we’re supposed to feel good and when things go lousy we’re supposed
to feel bad, right? That seems to be the way most of us have
been conditioned to think.

Preconditioned Responses

Live in a bad economy = walk around feeling depressed.
Lose your home or job = walk around feeling miserable.
End a relationship = walk around feeling bad.
Becoming ill = feeling lousy and complaining about it.

First of all, I acknowledge that “bad” things can and do happen. All of the above have happened to me personally at one point or another in my life (plus a lot of really good things too). Its all part of life!  One of the greatest life lessons we can learn is that the significance of events lie not in the events themselves but in our responses to them.

What is Stress?

What exactly is stress anyway ? Can you touch it or see it?  Nope.
Stress is nothing more than your bodies reaction to your own thought processes. Sure, you may be able to point to things in your environment that you readily identify as being the source of your stress, such as an angry boss, rude co-worker, crying baby, your declining financial position or that looming deadline, but the stress you feel is actually your body’s response to your continued thoughts about those events and not the events themselves. If one person can hear that crying baby and not be driven crazy by the sound, or face financial uncertainty with a sense of gratitude and appreciation then you must realize that it is your choice of how to respond to events like these that either results in stress or allows you to live with a sense of comfort and inner peace.

Notice your Reaction, Choose your Response

I’m not saying that we as humans are above being affected by external stimuli. Not at all. In fact I believe we should acknowledge our initial responses to potentially stressful situations and learn from them what we can. Why are we feeling bad – is there something else we should be doing, or something else should have done differently? There may perfectly valid reasons for you to react stressfully in response to external events and you will want to acknowledge the presence of those feelings while learning whatever you can about the reasons they originated. Are they prompting you to change your behavior in similar situations in the future, or maybe reminding you that you made some regretful choices outside of your values? If so, acknowledge it as such and learn the lesson at hand. Then, realize that beyond the immediacy of the situation lies your freedom of choice and the ability to free yourself from the destructive burdens of stress and maintaining a negative focus.

Remember, Like Attracts Like

After noticing your initial response to something you define as “stressful”, take a moment to step back and ask yourself if continuing to feel bad is likely to make the situation any better. After you’ve avoided the danger or learned the lesson, what is the continued benefit of feeling bad and staying in a stressful state? Is it because society dictates that when X happens you are supposed to feel Y and you fear that you’ll either be labeled inconsiderate or irresponsible if you don’t? Or maybe you are choosing to punish yourself to reinforce your distaste of the outcome and thus decrease the likelihood that you will ever do something like that again?

The Way Out of Stress

The way out of stress? Simply remember that we live in an orderly universe where like attracts like and that thoughts become things. Notice that in such a universe, continuing to feel thoughts of anger, despair, or anxiety aren’t likely to improve the way things are but rather will increase the likelihood of the stressful stimuli being present both now and in the future. Choosing to feel bad and staying in a low energy state will ultimately attract more of that which you seek to avoid. An acceptance of how things are and a sense of gratitude for the lessons learned will ultimately serve you better than living in denial and despair. By changing your thoughts you can break the cycle of negativity that causes and perpetuates stress and instead create for yourself a present and future in greater vibrational harmony with the type of life you choose to experience.

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Life purpose is first and foremost about being rather than doing. As Wayne Dyer has said, “We are human beings, not human doings”.

Purpose has to do with realizing who we are and lining up our thoughts and actions with our connection to Universal Source (or God if you choose) and realizing that we are co-creators of our reality along with that Source. Our Source is unlimited, abundant, loving, and forever giving, and the more we line up our thoughts and actions with that Source the more we will experience the blessings of living a lifestyle abounding in prosperity, love and happiness.

Life purpose is about putting love and gratitude and passion into whatever you are doing right now.  It is also about accepting that right now is exactly perfect as it is for all the reasons that you and your Source co-created it. A key concept is to realize that you are not on any spiritual pathway because there is no “spiritual pathway”.  Spirituality has everything to do with who you are “being” in this moment as opposed to anything you may be “doing”. It is through being that we connect with our creative Source and seem to experience a pathway of continuous growth, when in reality we are simply reconnecting with that which we already are and always have been. An interesting post which expresses the idea that spirituality is more closely related to being rather than doing (via following a pathway) can be found
here at GoodLife Zen.

Since life is more about being than doing, your life purpose doesn’t necessarily have to have anything to do with your occupation. It can, it’s just that it doesn’t have to. It’s a matter choice, practicality, and personal passion. Occupations serve you best when they line up with your interests and values, and you will generally perform better and be happier in a position that you are passionate about. However, occupations are more about doing than being, while your connection with your life purpose (good, bad, or undefined) can and will shine through in whatever it is you happen to be doing.

I dare say that we all desire to experience more of the attributes of our divine nature such as abundance, love, joy, and contentment. These attributes are as much a part of our nature as they ever were and as they always will be. They define who we really are. Acting in accordance with this nature through a state of being is the surest, fastest, and easiest way to bring these attributes into your life and the lives of each person you touch, in whatever it is that you happen to be doing.

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OK, so you’re thinking of making a career change. Maybe even a radical change. You’re tired of doing what you’ve been doing and are eager to consider something new and different. Maybe even completely different. If so you’re definitely not alone. Boredom, frustration, and monotony are strong motivators, especially for those in or approaching their 40’s having been in the same field for well over a decade and knowing they have at least a couple of decades more in front of them should they decide to hunker down and stay put.

As you gaze across the horizon the grass may indeed appear greener elsewhere. It usually does, as familiarity breeds contempt and we are prone to disdain being held prisoners to mindless routines. Yet before you quit your high paying CEO position to take up painting yard gnomes to sell at art festivals there are a few questions worth stopping to consider. Those who neglect to do so will often experience failure and frustration, eventually returning to their previous careers as the only way they know how to bring in $$.

1. Are you considering a change of scenery or a whole new field?

If you desire to move in a completely new direction, stop and consider the reasons why. Be honest with yourself. Does your dislike with your current position have more to do with you and the way you conduct yourself and relate to others, or is your work environment in bona fide conflict with your values and passions?

2. What exactly is it that you are passionate about?

If you’re not sure, reading this post is a good place to start.

3. If no one else’s opinion mattered what would you be doing for a living? Why?

This is about authenticity and freeing yourself up from fears and judgments. It’s your life. Are you living it for yourself or for someone else?

4. How can your current network support your new endeavor?

People make things happen and there is no substitute for good networking. If you don’t know anybody in your new field, how will you compensate for this?

5. If choosing a new career field, do you have a solid action plan to transfer your current skill set into a money making position?

Be resourceful about the way your skills and experiences can transfer into a new endeavor. With clients, I utilize a technique referred to as “mapping across” to help people discover how past successes in one area of life can translate into useful recourses in seemingly unrelated areas.

6. If considering self employment, are you the right type of person to be self employed?

Do you make decisions quickly and change them slowly? Do you love to network? Are you willing to invest your savings and sweat equity into a startup operation without any ironclad guarantee of success? Are you a self starter? If not then working for someone else may be more appropriate. Self employment holds many benefits, but if you’re not cut out for it it’s far better to know so up front than to jump in blindly and later regret having pulled the trigger.

7. Do you have or are you willing to invest the time and $$ to acquire the proper credentials?

If you lack the required experience, credentials, or training, what plan do you have to compensate for this? How important are formal credentials? How else can you acquire relevant experience?

These are only a few of the basic questions to consider when contemplating a major shift in career direction. By taking the time to formulate clear, honest answers to questions like these early on in your decision making process, you can sidestep a lot of frustration and position yourself to make better decisions that will serve you well in your chosen career for years to come.

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