Are you putting yourself last?

July 1st, 2008 · 1 Comment

Since you are reading this blog I’m going to assume that you have at least a passing interest in personal development. I’m also willing to bet that you’re probably more considerate and respectful than the average Joe when it comes to your relationships. How am I doing so far? Am I an intuitive genius or what? In fact, I’ll even go out on a limb and make the assumption that you have a life filled with people you love and care about. Now if I’ve got you all wrong and you’re nothing but a lowdown piece of crud, click here.

All kidding aside, a real trap that well meaning people can fall into if not careful is that of consistently putting themselves last. I’m not talking about little things like holding the door open for someone or being nice to people in general. What I’m saying is that neglecting your needs and priorities on a habitual basis to cater to the needs of others means that you sacrifice your personal growth, put your own dreams on hold, and eventually begin to lose your unique sense of identity. Think about it. If your life is defined by everyone’s needs but your own, how do you define who you are outside of the context of anybody else? When you are all alone, who are you? If you’ve dedicated the bulk of your existence to serving others, you might find this to be a very difficult question to answer.

Ok, so I’m not saying that you should body slam little Joey at the family picnic to get his place in line for the last bologna sandwich. I know that special circumstances in life such as caring for an young infant, or a spouse suffering from illness, can and most likely will occupy more of your time. The danger I’m speaking of occurs when, as a pattern of living, you consistently put yourself last regardless of circumstances. When it becomes so ingrained in your personality that you never dare to voice an opinion on where to go out to eat because you want to make sure that everybody else gets what they want, all of the time.

Everyone is Shortchanged

You have wants, needs, and desires that no matter how hard you might try to ignore will never go away. When your life’s focus is predominantly on others and away from yourself, you will begin to neglect your own desires to either make or keep others around you happy. If this continues, you will eventually wind up resenting yourself, the people you seek to make happy, or both.

Because not enough attention is paid to self, personal growth stops, and you start becoming less instead of more. Life is dynamic, not static. As you become more resentful and have less to offer you may even wind up being less pleasant to be around. Everyone is shortchanged, including those you are seeking to please.

The Solution

There is nothing wrong with a life of service. Simply bear in mind that to lift up others you must maintain your strength. You do that by tending to your own needs and taking excellent care of yourself. You add value to others and the world around you in proportion to the extent that you are a well rounded, self actualizing human being. You will experience the greatest joys of giving when you give from your abundance, not from your lack. So take care of yourself, tend to your needs, and purpose to live out your dreams!

It is from this state of what some would call selfishness that you are best suited to be truly selfless. There is nothing selfish about striving towards your highest potential, enjoying life more, and in the process sharing the best of who you are from an authentic perspective of happiness, inspiration, and love.

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