One of the most important things you can do in interpersonal communications is to learn how to build excellent rapport. Rapport is that feeling of commonality that happens when two people just seem to “click”. When it works, you feel totally in sync with the other person and the conversation flows effortlessly. And believe me - achieving excellent rapport is much more enjoyable than fidgeting awkwardly with your hands in your pockets, avoiding eye contact and talking about the weather. 
The basic premise of rapport is that people like people who are like themselves. The more two people have in common, the more likely they are to hit it off. Achieving rapport goes a long way towards establishing friendships, enhancing relationships, closing sales, and even getting along better with the in-laws. Convinced it’s a good idea? Good, then let’s have a closer look.
Building rapport is not a gimmick and requires a fair amount of practice. Plus, it actually requires you to pay close attention to the people you are relating to (sorry guys, no shortcuts here). A key component of rapport is the concept of pacing, also referred to as “matching”.
Pacing at its simplest form is reflecting back to the other person the signals they are giving out. By doing so you create a comfortable environment for them to relate to, since you are acting in a similar manner. Remember, people like people like themselves. Pacing can be done in terms of voice tone, speech rate, energy level, body posture, breathing rate, facial expressions, arm movements - even attitudes, values and beliefs. The more of these levels you can engage and connect with the other person on, the deeper will be your mutual level of rapport.
Why pace? Because in doing so you begin to experience life as the other person currently experiences it. When you match them in a number of different categories, not only will they feel a great sense of commonality with you, but you will genuinely experience what it is like to “walk in their shoes”. Empathy is part of the process. Mastering the art of pacing takes practice and requires close attention to detail. In fact, you cannot truly pace someone without gaining an understanding of where they are coming from. For example, if the person you are pacing is in a negative or angry state and you manage to build rapport, you may be surprised to discover that you will likely begin to experience some of those same feelings yourself. Why would you want to? Because once you have matched them at their current state, you can then lead them out of that state into another form of interaction that is (hopefully) mutually beneficial. Of course, the great thing about pacing is that it works both ways. If you want to bring yourself out of the doldrums, try pacing someone who is happy, energetic, and enjoying life and see if you don’t feel better for having done so.
Please note that when pacing, you must take care to be subtle or you may come across as insensitively mimicking the other person. When successful, both you and the other person will likely “feel” that rapport has been achieved. However, if you are too obvious with your pacing, not only will you fail to achieve rapport but you may come across as just another clod trying to use gimmicky tactics to manipulate people and end up getting a freezing cold bucket of ice or a steaming hot plate of spaghetti dumped square in your lap. 
Ideally, you don’t pace someone because you want to manipulate or make fun of them - you do it because your goal is to able to relate to them in a way that is mutually beneficial. This can be done in the context of coaching, therapy, sales (as long as you have a good product and truly believe in what you are selling), and any other number of worthwhile endeavors.
An important concept to consider about developing rapport is that underneath the many layers of mental and social conditioning each of us walk around with, we are all inherently quite similar. By matching exterior characteristics like voice tone, breathing rates, etc; communication at a deeper and more meaningful level becomes possible. I mentioned a moment ago about the concept of leading people into higher and hopefully mutually beneficial forms of interaction once you have achieved rapport with them. This is the known as the NLP concept of “leading” and will be the subject of my next post titled “Leading through NLP”.
If you find this site helpful, please leave a donation for Ken and enjoy the spirit of giving too.