We all have various mental images of who we are. We have images in our minds of who we are as parents, friends, co-workers, spouses, children, as well as images for how we look, dance, smile, etc. All of these collective images come together in our minds to form our overall level of self esteem. At certain times we feel better about our selves than we do at others. We accept this as normal, and to some extent it is. But in doing so there is a much greater truth that we are missing out on.
One of my favorite concepts of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is the idea of maps. Maps are representations that we make for ourselves, both about ourselves and the world around us, and we do it all the time. Because reality can be so large and so complex, maps are an effective way of providing ourselves with frames of reference to operate within. Take Google maps as an example. Type in your home address and select “Satellite View”. Then zoom in to the closest level and notice all of the trees, cars parked in driveways, etc. That is the reality of your neighborhood’s landscape to some extent, although is is still missing tons of information (such as sounds, smells, is not in real time, and so forth). Nevertheless it does contain a large amount of information, probably more than you need in most cases. Now switch to the “map” view and have another look. What you see is a representation of your neighborhood suitable (hopefully) for driving around. It is quite literally a map, and is a perfect example of how maps leave out tons of information in order to free up our minds and make things easier for us. But does making and using maps always make life easier?
A problem inherent in ANY map is that no matter how detailed it may be, maps leave out information. They have to, else we’d be faced with an overwhelming amount of data in making even the smallest of decisions. Therefore a map is never an accurate model of reality, but rather our best idea of what’s relevant out of all the information available. When our maps of ourselves and the world around us make life easier on ourselves by providing a sufficient level of detail for the purpose at hand, they free up our minds and are extremely beneficial. To consider the detail of every tree in Ms. Jones’ yard when all I want to know is do I turn left or right on Elm street would be quite irrelevant and take me longer to process. Deletion is a necessary part of map making. Problems arise when we delete or distort important information in the creation of our maps. Let’s get back to the idea of self esteem and have a look:
Wouldn’t you agree that our ideas of how we dance, look, smile, relate, etc. change over time? As our internal representations of who we are (our internal maps) change, so does how we feel about ourselves. Most people find that when they think negatively about themselves it is more difficult to feel happy, and conversely when they feel good (or even great) about themselves it is much easier to feel happy. Here’s the kicker: The underlying reality of who you are doesn’t change, only your perception of yourself and how you choose to feel about yourself does. When you build maps that make you feel good by deleting out negative information, you feel better. When you build a map of yourself that deletes positive information and focuses on the negatives, you end up feeling pretty lousy. Either way you’re still the same person, and which map you decide to operate from is your choice. The essence of what makes you YOU remains the same.
A map of reality I want to share with you with regards to self esteem is that the real YOU is non-physical, eternal, and independent of circumstance. According to my map (which is naturally limited in scope and no more right or wrong than anyone else’s) you are unique, priceless, and inseparably connected to each and every other living thing in the universe. You are divine in nature, and you are already whole and complete just as you are. No amount of negative map building can change the reality of who you are, so why bother to try?
Rejoice in the creation that is you, celebrate your individuality and simply enjoy being alive! I encourage you to try out this map and see how it feels. If it suits you well, use and enjoy it - I’ll even waive the royalties. If you don’t like it, so what! Use the best map you can create for yourself and run with it. It may even turn out to be better than mine, in which case I sure hope you’ll let me know. 
Oh, and if I choose to remain blissfully ignorant to your map of reality while enjoying the beauty of my own, I sure hope you understand. Coexist. That ’s my favorite bumper sticker. Have you seen it? It’s all good, baby!
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