One of the things I like best about coaching is being able to help people go from internal states of frustration or feeling “stuck” to helping them decode their representations of experiences so that they perceive a greater array of choices and therefore a greater ability to make an impact on their world and live the types of lives that they desire.
Ways we Filter our Experiences
When something happens we filter the experience through our 5 senses. The data we process is necessarily incomplete, but the process works well when we select data that is optimal for the task at hand. Remember the last time you had a conversation in a crowded room? Your ears were able to perceive a variety of sounds, yet the ones you chose to focus on and record in memory were probably those of the person you were most interested in listening to. A primary step in filtering reality is the decision we make of what we choose to record through our senses. Actually this is the second step, since we only perceive through our senses a very narrow band of what actually takes place in our environment. Don’t believe me? Consider a dog whistle or radio waves. Dogs can hear the whistle but you can’t, and your radio can pick up signals broadcast over the airwaves that you can’t perceive but are most definitely out there. Oh, and there’s also gamma rays, ultraviolet rays, the Cubs winning the World Series, and all those dust mites living on your pillow…(yecch, I’ll stop now)
Anyhow, buy the time information reaches our brains, our neurology has filtered it to the extent that we are able to perceive it. We then we filter that information through our past experiences and our opinions in order to make quick and efficient decisions. We then attach meaning to new events through the language we choose to describe them, both to ourselves and to others.
Labeling Limits Choice
If we are afraid of snakes and one happens to slither up next to us in the yard, we may label the experience as “I saw this really big, ugly snake”. That sentence may not have been the reality of what happened but rather the label we chose to apply to it. If the experience was emotional enough we then may go on to formulate an opinion that “my backyard is dangerous!”, and depending on the intensity of the experience we might even come to the assumption that “all backyards are dangerous!” In doing so, we have gone from the reality of there being a snake in our yard to the assumption that all backyards are dangerous.
As we begin to believe statements like these, our choice of available options become limited (we can’t go out in our backyard) and our representation of reality becomes skewed from how it actually is. The snake may have been harmful or not - more information was needed before deciding never to venture out into the backyard again. Yet the language we used to code the experience results in self limiting the amount of choices we have and can reduce the amount of enjoyment we get out of life (no more backyard barbecues).
When people limit their choices due to how they represent experience (consciously or otherwise), they can experience frustration in living the type of life they desire or in achieving the types of goals they would like to achieve. Some other choice limiting statements that I’ve heard are:
People don’t like me.
I regret my decision
I don’t know how to impress people
Conflict is painful
She never listens
Changing is difficult
Decoding the Process
A very interesting part of what I get to do is that I help people step backwards through this process from labels of experience to the actual experiences themselves. Often, as people begin to decode how they’ve labeled their experiences they begin to see other options and choices available - choices that they had missed because their labels of experience had taken them away. New choices are perceived, and from these new choices spring fresh opportunities for clients to live the types of lives that they desire.
When Coaching can Help
If you reach a point in life where you find yourself unable to achieve an important goal, nurture your relationships or overcome self limiting beliefs, you may want to consider working with a professional coach who has a background in linguistics. There are a number of competent coaches, myself included, who are trained in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and who possess the knowledge and tools required to assist you. The key part is selecting a coach with whom you can relate well and who has the skills required to help you get where you want to go in life. If you ever find yourself in such a situation, you can check out my coaching programs for ideas regarding how I may be able to help.
Words are indeed powerful, and if the Cubs ever do win a Word Series I’m probably going to hear a few choice ones from the fans of those “lovable losers”. 
Its the 4th of July holiday here in the states, so I’m heading out to my backyard (to hell with the snakes), to enjoy a wonderful barbecue and then downtown for some fireworks. Happy 4th everyone!
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