Almost 4 decades of getting it mostly wrong 
That’s a lot of road in the rear view mirror, only to have it dawn on me that all the while I just didn’t quite get it with any measure of consistency.
Get what, you ask (or maybe not)?
The meaning of life, or at least the most important part of life. Relationships.
No, I didn’t just crawl out from under a rock, and yes, intellectually I’ve known for a while that it is our relationships with others that truly define who we are (or more accurately, they are how we choose to define ourselves to the world around us). It’s just that for some reason there’s been a huge chasm between intellectualizing the concept and fully embracing it.
For many years I’ve been, dare I say, selfish, when it comes to relationships. Yes, selfish in many types of relationships, not just the romantic ones. You see despite my intellectual knowledge, I’ve often operated primarily from the premise of how a particular relationship might be of benefit to me as opposed to how I could add value and be of benefit to others. I know…Yecch. But before you pick up a few pointy stones and prepare to hurl them with great velocity in my general direction, consider for a moment that this way of thinking is actually it’s own punishment, and the result is often a punishment that more than fits the crime.
Operating from the perspective of considering what others can add to our lives originates from a preconception of lack. The governing thought process is that somehow we don’t have enough, aren’t good enough, or are afraid that somehow we won’t be enough, and the result is that we look to others to fill in the gaps in our lives and make us whole. Never mind that it isn’t anyone else’s responsibility to provide for us or otherwise cover for our shortcomings. Can you imagine if everyone you knew was looking for someone to take care of their needs and desires, or to help them better their lives and make them whole? I don’t know how many people consistently get to be on the other side of that equation but I’m sure it’d be a pretty crappy job to have full time. But the worst part of this thought process is that because thoughts DO become things, believing that we are lacking perpetuates the cycle of lack that keeps us looking outside ourselves for fulfillment, which is by nature utterly pointless.
The alternative of course is to operate from a perspective of giving to others from the source of our own abundance. To what abundance am I referring? From the notion that God is love and we are all indivisible parts of the same Divine Oneness. When we begin to not only think but to actually LIVE life in such manner, we quickly realize that there is no lack and that the most joyous way to express the fullness of who we are is to share the love and blessings that flow through us, regardless of our current lot in life. We always have something to offer and feel best when we do because that is our true nature.
As I watched my 86 year old grandmother who is recovering from a fractured hip dote over her great-grandson earlier this evening, the real meaning of these words became evident to me in a very tangible manner. I had an epiphany. There she was, giving of herself, happily, with no expectation of what we could do for her. Just like mothers and fathers do for their children each and every day. Except for some reason tonight I finally got it – the internalization that this principle is universal in nature and applies equally to all relationships, with the greatest benefit going to the person who is sharing themselves for the benefit of others.
Thanks Grams for that mental Kodak moment. I get it now, and the world is a better place.
