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Fatherhood

June 4th, 2008 · 2 Comments


Me and Chris
Children are some of the best teachers on the planet. They teach you tons of things you never learn at school - sometimes as much as you teach them. Seriously. Wanna learn patience? Increase your leadership and communication skills? Develop Empathy? Become more playful? There’s nothing like raising a child to help you along the way!

For a bit of background info, I am a proud single parent of a handsome young man who will be turning 10 years old in a couple of weeks. We’ve been sort of a dynamic duo for about 6 years now, and while I won’t bore you with stories of how fast they grow up (they do), I am going to share with you how my experiences as a parent have shaped my outlook on life and my interactions with others in specific areas. Many of you who are parents may find my list very familiar, and your comments are encouraged. You may agree or disagree, and this list certainly isn’t intended to be comprehensive. That said, here are some of the ways being a parent has helped shaped my outlook in certain specific areas:

Loving

It has been said that there is no greater epiphany of unconditional love than what you experience when you hold your child in your arms for the first time. Of course this nothing more than a natural survival mechanism on the part of the newborn to compensate for all of the dirty diapers and lost sleep he/she is going to soon be putting you through! ;) Still, the unconditional love a parent feels for their child is something that has to be experienced firsthand to truly be appreciated. Once you feel it, it helps color your perception of the world. When you get angry or feel out of balance, all you have to do is go back to that inner state you experienced when you held your child for the first time. Its a powerful anchor that I hadn’t even thought of until this morning, but try it out and see if it doesn’t work!

Patience

All parents reading this are chuckling right now I’m sure. If having a child doesn’t force you to become more patient then nothing ever will. Admit it, growing up you ALWAYS wanted to know what it was like to tell somebody 851 times to do something, only to receive back a blank stare and the words “huh” or “oh”. After a few years of wondering why they just don’t seem to get it, you either go insane or begin to take on a more useful perspective. Most parents eventually begin to realize that certain things really don’t matter that much. Learning to overlook minor inconveniences and irritations not only helps with your sanity, it also helps you in your relationships with other adults. You stop sweating the small details. As for the kids, they may never even notice the difference - they’re still going to be kids. But hey, at least they taught you something :)

Staying Young

Most dads will agree that having a child is a great excuse to act like one. Some women might say that we are predisposed to act this way regardless. ;) While women are free to ponder the significance of this, we dads just like to go out and have fun! Ride a bike, catch a ball or any other round object that will suffice, hop in a raft, watch cartoons, (you betcha) and play with really cool toys and video games. Its a blast! Not only does it provide great quality time with your little (or not so little) one, doing these kinds of things keeps you from getting too serious or too stuffy. Life is fun! You get to play, bond with your child, and keep up with the latest ploys of Dr. Doofenshmirtz on Phineas and Ferb. What could be better?

Leadership

Few things test your communication and leadership skills like raising a child. At some point as a parent, you realize that leading by providing clear directions and expecting them to be followed doesn’t work as often as you’d like. Neither does nagging. But you still want done the things that need to get done, right?

One of the basic tenants of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) that helped me in this regard is the idea that “every behavior has behind it a positive intent”. The behavior itself may not be positive, but at some level of the child’s thinking there is a positive intent attempting to be communicated. Take the example of a child that pesters you when you are on the phone. Has this ever happened to you? :) As a parent, you can either fuss at the child for the 126th time and tell them they are acting inappropriately , punish them yet again, or attempt to discover what it is they are really trying to communicate (they want your attention and want to feel important). Having done this, you can then explore what other behaviors might meet both yours and their needs in place of the annoying one they are currently exhibiting, as well as the appropriate times and places to exhibit this behavior. Failing that, you could always threaten to sell them to a Persian rug merchant to work in his sweatshop overseas. I’ve threatened this before, and it actually worked when he was 3 (lol). Now it only gets a sarcastic stare. :(

Letting go

As your children begin to grow older you progressively realize that they are not yours to begin with (and no, I’m not talking about DNA tests either). You and your child began a journey together on the day they were born that lasts a lifetime. You start out as a provider, teacher, counselor and friend, but the natural progression is for children to discover their own way and their own meaning of life as they mature. You don’t own their thoughts, and you are only responsible for their actions for a relatively short span of their existence. The process of letting go of someone you love so deeply is frightening to some and liberating to others. Yet it is a necessary progression that at the appropriate time is healthiest for both parent and child. For those of you wondering about me and the fact that my child is not quite 10, relax, that time hasn’t come just yet. Tomorrow maybe, after he leaves yet another ice cream wrapper on the couch, but not today ;)

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2 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Evelyn Lim | Attraction Mind Map // Jun 4, 2008 at 10:21 am

    I never quite realise how much I would grow up, by just having kids. But grew up I did and still growing. It’s less of a “me me me” but more giving, loving and sharing, like how you put it. My kids are one of my best teachers in town and I’ll never exchange them for anything else!

  • 2 Karen Lynch-Live the Power // Jun 4, 2008 at 5:53 pm

    You know I love being a parent…I loved it so much the first time that 16 1/2 years later I did it again 3x! I now have kids ranging from 2 years old to 25 years old and each of them still fill my heart with magic!
    Appreciate the times you are having now when your son is just 10 because they do grow up (but even grown up kids are cool when they’re yours!)