You’re traveling along a lonely two lane country road in the early morning darkness. Headlights loom in the distance as another car approaches.
Its driver, inattentive or momentarily
distracted, suddenly veers into your path
seconds before impact. You’re going about 50 mph and the other driver probably a bit more
so there’s no time for anything but reaction. You quickly swerve to avoid the fatal catastrophe. Whoa - you made it! OK, you’re still alive, but what was that sound you just heard?
Shaken but otherwise unharmed you pull over onto the narrow shoulder and slowly emerge from your vehicle. Noticing the other driver’s tail lights fading into the distance, you realize that he/she is either completely oblivious or unconcerned regarding what just transpired. Inspecting your vehicle you spot a narrow paint covered gash about 10 inches long leading up to your now cracked tail light. Death has paid a close visit this morning but you will live to tell about it.
Perspective
Imagine this had actually happened to you as it recently did to a friend of mine. What meaning would you ascribe to this sequence of events? Would you experience feelings of relief? Anger? Gratitude? Mortality? Would the incident cause you to examine your life and reconsider your priorities, or would you simply shake it off as a close call and go about the rest of your day?
Our mental states and often times our reactions depend upon the meaning we assign to events that transpire in our lives. Given the above sequence of events, one can easily build up and justify frames of reference for feeling lucky, unlucky, blessed, cursed, angry, contemplative, or victimized. All that is required to do so is a change in perspective.
The simplest way of changing our response to any given situation is to change the perspective we choose from which to assign meaning. Purposeful living requires knowing what outcomes you are seeking and choosing the response(s) most suited to its accomplishment. Inflexibility of thought resulting from fixed perspectives can save time and eliminate the need for conscious thinking but often proves to be too limiting when striving to achieve optimal outcomes.
The next time you are faced with a challenging situation to which you assign a meaning that leaves you feeling unhappy, limited, or otherwise stuck, step back and consider some alternative viewpoints. Walk a mile in another’s shoes. Try on another pair for yourself. Several pairs if you have to. In doing so, you may decide to change the way you “frame” the event in your mind and uncover a more useful response.
That in a nutshell is what reframing is all about.
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