The greatest pain

April 6th, 2010 · No Comments

…comes in the form of love not expressed.

Sure, poking a sharp stick in your eye, skydiving naked onto a fencepost, or being forced to watch multiple reruns of Doogie Howser MD are also bound to hurt quite a bit , but what I’m referring to here is emotional pain. The quote comes form Anthony Robbins in his Ultimate Relationship Series and he is absolutely on the mark.

But how can this be so? Don’t we hurt more when someone wrongs us or calls us bad names? Or maybe when they lie to us, betray us, or tell us that they don’t want us in their lives anymore and simply walk away?

Take a journey with me for a moment and consider another perspective. Consider the idea that we are all creations of absolute love and are all part of the same God force that comprises the Universe. That our spirit nature is one of absolute love. If we *are* love at our highest nature, then it is that nature that we must necessarily express to define to ourselves and to others who we truly are. Flowers express themselves in bloom, hawks soar upon thermals, lions prey on weaker forms of flesh and blood, and humans at their highest levels are born to love as glorious expressions of who they are.

One of the biggest mistakes that we make in life is to stop being true to ourselves. If it is our true nature to love, then damming up our hearts and holding back our true nature is going to cause us pain and make us feel bad. Weather we realize it or not, holding back the expression of who we are hurts us at a deep spiritual level before we even get around to hurting others in the process, even if hurting others happens to be our true intent.

An important concept to recognize about expressing love is that other people’s responses to you are not about you, they are about them. When acting in love, you can only control what you give, not what others receive or what they choose to do with it. If giving love is your true nature, then the expression of that love is the healthiest way for you to live. What other people do with the love that comes from you is all about their “stuff”, their past experiences, and the meanings that they choose to attach to it. Some may be grateful and reciprocate in kind, others may take without giving in return, while still others may only seek to take advantage and serve themselves, which actually leads to another interesting question? Do we allow others to take advantage of us simply because acting in love is our true nature?

Umn…No. Once you begin living in love and expressing love towards others, one of the first things that you will notice is the overwhelmingly positive response that you generate in people. Love expressed is most often returned in kind and brightens your entire existence. However, there will be people you encounter who are stuck in negative and/or destructive patterns of behavior and who have either yet to realize or have temporally forgotten their true nature. With these people, your love and kindness may be taken for granted, expected, and/or demanded without anything in return. Do you offer them an endless supply of kindness because that is who you are, no matter how much you may be taken advantage of, or do you temporarily forget your true nature and go with the urge to smack them upside the head with a rusty nailed 2×4 just because it’d somehow make you feel good?

Neither. A big part of life is that we teach people how to treat us by how we show up. If we consistently act in a manner that allows people take advantage of us, the one thing that we can bet on is that some people will. The healthiest approach is to express to everyone the love that is our true nature, thus maintaining our spiritual health and fulfilling our most basic need to ourselves. If we find that it is another person’s nature to mistrust, take advantage, and/or be continually disrespectful, it is best for all involved that we silently wish them well and simply move on, continuing to express our true nature to the rest of this limitless Universe. The only other alternative is to dam up our hearts and begin to sabotage ourselves by suffering what Anthony Robbins calls the greatest emotional pain, that of love not expressed.

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