I was inspired to write this post after reading a article and some comments over at Tom Volkar’s blog, “Delightful Work”. You will find a very interesting post there called “What makes you exceptional”. It made me think about authenticity, and the pretense that often gets in our way and keeps us held back from expressing who we really are. Pretense literally means to pretend, to give a false appearance, and to be insincere. We’ve all put on pretense at one time or another, thinking that the images we project are more socially acceptable than who we really are, or that others will buy into the false, idealized version of ourselves that we would like them to see. The funny thing is that as much as we engage in the folly of pretense, it usually doesn’t work. In fact it rarely does.
We all know people who think themselves to be different than who they really are, and sometimes we wonder if they really know how they come across. They don’t. They are the ones talked about at the water cooler and at office parties, recipients of sideways glances and discretely pointed fingers. But we ourselves are no different, and when we engage in pretentious behaviors we inevitably find ourselves on the receiving end of those same types of comments and glances. We simply don’t notice when this happens because we are so busy holding on to our self created illusions that we refuse to become aware of it.
Most people are astute enough to snuff out disingenuous behaviors and see others for who they truly are. But the last place we typically look to find pretense is within ourselves, because to discover it can be too painful and too difficult a thing for our egos to admit. How much easier it is to sedate ourselves with our own self created illusions, even if we are the only ones who still cling to them! Like the emperor with no clothes we are naked to the world, deceiving only ourselves while reveling in what we think are other people’s perceptions of our supposed majesty. What a farce we make of ourselves!
Do you truly want to garner more respect? To discover who you really are? To find peace and comfort in your own uniqueness? It is only when you put down each of the pretentious masks that you wear that this becomes possible. Scary? Sure it is. Will everyone like you for being you? Of course not! But in doing so you will inevitably garner more self respect and confidence, and you just might discover what it is that truly makes you happy. In fact you probably will, so long as you spend more time listening to you own unique inner voice than you do worrying about how you might be perceived for doing so.
The illusions of pretense are false. Everyone around you already knows it, so you may as well cue yourself in. When you’ve had enough of this folly, stop creating facades for others to like (or not to like) because you are so deathly afraid of them not liking the real you.
Authenticity is liberating and powerful. Put down your masks and start living today! In doing so you will gain a strength and a sense of self confidence that will make other’s perceptions of you irrelevant.
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